SL BIPOC – Second Life Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Flickr Groups

I’ve very recently started two new flickr groups for Second Life Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

One of these is for general images, what flickr terms ‘safe’, the other for ‘moderate and restricted’, as in ‘nudity and adult’ images.

The goal is to have a group that is for people of color to post imagery from second life that reflect empowering / dignified representations of ourselves and our communities:

Here is the description for the ‘safe’ group:

New group: established August 27, 2020.

For images by and of second life avatars that are respectful / empowering representations of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

This is the ‘general’ group, a related group exists for mature and restricted art:
BIPOC Second Life Black, Indigenous & People of Color (Adult)

As a general group this group does NOT allow images that include nudity, sex, or violence.

Images that represent exploitative or demeaning depictions of people, especially of people of color, will be removed and posters of them will be blocked.

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And the restricted group is similar:

New group: established August 27, 2020.

For ‘moderate & restricted’ images by and of second life avatars that are respectful representations of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

This is the ‘restricted’ group, a related group exists for ‘general / safe’ art:
SL BIPOC – Second Life Black, Indigenous, and People of Color

As a restricted group this group allows, and is for, images that include both nudity and/or sex. Such work should be erotica that does not demean the subject.

Violent images are NOT allowed. In particular sexually violent or demeaning images should NOT be posted here
– such as the common in SL racist ‘interracial assault fantasy theme’.

Images that represent exploitative or demeaning depictions of people, especially of people of color, will be removed and posters of them will be blocked.

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Hope to see some people join these and contribute their Second Life artwork.

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Is this true or false? Notecard given to me claiming Maitreya is toxic to content creators. Incorrect?

I have no idea if this is true or not. It’s something that early on set my opinion against Maitreya (which I am now currently using).

 

This has been bothering me because I am hoping it is wrong.

 

In going through old outfits I had set up for Freya and seeing if I had a Maitreya version for the item, I found a curious notecard from a clothing maker in 2017 explaining why the outfit had no Maitreya sizes.

It’s now got me wondering if it’s true or not… so since this person made the notecard, and sent it out… here it is:

Hello i would like to explain to you, why i don’t support Maitreya lara any longer.

The Mesh Developer Kit is very bad. This means the Mannequin which is included in the Developer Kit for the 3d Programs is too big. And this means making items fit the way they should is very time consuming, slowing the whole creation process down and frustrates to a point where the creating is no fun anymore.

As a Maitreya User you might have noticed a lack on consistance in fit when it comes to Maitreya when it is not one of the HUGE stores like Cynfull or Blueberry. Those stores employ professionals which we, the smaller stores can not effort. Also Many stores do actually mesh their items on Belleza – because it just has the best resolution and definition. They mostly fit it afterwards to maitreya. This said. Belleza is what you are actually already wearing. It is just simply adjusted to Maitreya.

Also by signing a contract with Maitreya ( which you have to do to get their official Kit ) you lay a lot of restrictions upon yourself as a creator and designer.
One of those restrictions is, that you are not allowed to ever release a meshbody in Second life. Now we could say, PFF, there are already enough bodies,w ho needs those ? And they could be right BUT it shows how much of a monopolization is forced upon the grid by the Store named Maitreya.

Now we get to the design of the actual meshbody. I personally really despise Maitreya. It is not a body i would call beautiful. It lacks realism and knowledge of Anatomy. The arms and shoulders are bulky and fat. Ever wondered why you shoulders like the shoulders of someone working at a construction side for 40 years each day for 9 hours ? Thats not you. Thats the Lara Body.

Now to the Life of a Designer in SL who doesnt want to support Maitreya.

I often here, that people would actually WANT to change and get a Belleza Body. But they have so much Maitreya Exclusive. That is a point i do understand, but nobody expects people to trash those items nor to trash the Maitreya body. I am just convinced that it should be like a secondary body then a Primary one. You wanna wear your dead dollz dress today ? Wear Maitreya! But if you want to wear quality go with Belleza. i can’t stress this enough.

I tried to talk to the Owner of Maitreya like many people before more and it ended in a final of ” There will be no update on the Mesh Kit in any near future ” since she WOULDNT KNOW what she could make EVEN !!!!! better. Also she became very rude and called me High Schooler for saying MANY designers agree and didnt give a list of all the names. ( who would have probably been kicked from official Maitreya Lara Designers groups like i was kicked from the Flickr group after i tried to talk to her πŸ˜€ )

A while ago i was INVITED TO THE BOUNDBOX. And i was very excited. I worked 2 weeks on my Item and even learned a new Program to offer the best possible item. After rigging to Belleza and making the belleza Sizes i ran into the Problem, that NO MATTER what i did, the mesh looked horrible on Lara. It was lumpy and too big and yet the body managed to poke through. After 5 hours of weightpainting i abandoned the idea and talked to the Founders of the Box. Who instantly swapped me out with someone else since ” Maitreya is a Requirement” – What this means – It is okay to do Maitreya Only Itens – but it is not okay to do BELLEZA ONLY SIZES.

This supports the Maitreya Monopol even more. And the last store who tried to force a monopol upon the grid was TheMeshProject.

After the Boundbox Incident i decided of officially put up a fight against the forceful demand of Maitreya Sizes.

I hope i could make it clear why this all happens.
If you are interested in another body and want to listen to the opinion of my very small self – Try belleza Isis or Freya:

can be found here : [link to Belleza store]

I wish you all a very good time and never do things that make you feel bad and frustrate you. Life is short and you deserve to be happy πŸ˜€

Is there truth to this, in part or in whole?

These points:

  1. Maitreya is bad to model for – making it very hard to make items fit right. So clothing makers usually make for another body, then adjust to Maitreya afterwards.
  2. Maitreya requires people agree to never put out their own mesh body
  3. Maitreya has bad anatomy – “The arms and shoulders are bulky and fat”

 

I know number 3 is true. But it’s true of almost every mesh body, because it’s true of the system avatar. If you ever wear something not rigged for Belleza on Belleza you will notice the arms of your clothing are not in the same spot as the arms of Belleza. This was because Belleza “tried” to fix this issue, with partial success… but I long suspected it actually made Belleza the harder body to rig for…

Number 3 is especially true if a modeler starts by working with something like a body from Daz3d that has a proper ‘matched to real life’ skeleton.

Daz3D is for art, and they have revised their base skeleton many times now over the years. Everytime technology allows them to go one step further… well, they wait for the sales of the old body to slow, and make you buy the upgrade at full price… BUT… that upgrade is also always a massive leap forward in reflecting good anatomy… SL by contrast, is a 3D skeleton made in 1999, 4 years before SL even went live, and on technology much more limited at the time, and which looks like it was a bad reflection of anatomy even back then.

So I kind of expect The first claim to be true of all bodies, to varying degrees, but extremely so if a content creator didn’t start in SL.

And I feel it’s important to note this. Because it CANNOT be blamed on Maitreya… it’s just a flaw of SL’s Skeleton. LLs has not been willing to do what Daz3d does – put out a new skeleton and break all old content. I can understand why even as I wish that they would despite what it would do to my inventory… I think most people would revolt over it…

 

As for the other 2 claims, I have no idea. They are completely outside my area of knowledge.

 

Number 1… is Maitreya particular poorly set up compared to other bodies? I don’t know. I don’t have the foggiest idea how I would even begin to know… I suspect it is highly subjective too. What would be the way to know? Weight maps? Rigging? I don’t know… I don’t see it as the important issue though.

 

Number 2 however… leaves a very sour mood if it’s true. That’s the one I really am curious about. I suspect no one would be willing to answer it openly under their brand name… but I’m hoping to find out if it’s true or false nonetheless.

It’d be very easy to prove false: is there any mesh body maker out there in SL that ALSO makes clothes that fit Maitreya and use the logo that says something fits Maitreya on their products? Find me just one… and we know the second claim is wrong.

 

Ideally I’d like to feel morally OK being a fan of multiple mesh body creators… so I hope the middle claim up there is wrong…

 

What I’m looking for… basically… is to see if I have a ‘comeback’ against the maker of this notecard and any similar statements I may see being made… or if I have to begrudgingly accept their point. I’d prefer the comeback, if it’s out there…

 

Observer Fantasy vs Particapatory Fantasy; The role of perspective in how we shape our avatars and characters in SL and other online games.

Note: This was originally written a whole heck of a long time ago and left in my drafts for a silly long time. So, what I was trying to say when I started it and where I have now taken it likely differ a bit. I’ve tried to make the writing consistent but it may show that change in point…

“That’s a nice avatar you’ve got there; be a shame if something were to happen to it”

Is that an attack against you or a roleplay challenge? πŸ™‚

There’s a conflict in perspective here that I feel is often close to the root of a lot of the drama in Second Life; where it is not as well ‘blocked off’ or resolved as it is in more modern Virtual Worlds like Minecraft, Final Fantasy XIV, and so on…

 

I’m sorry for starting this on a silly note but that phrase was just stuck in my head and actually reminds me of how I first started to think of this issue in tabletop roleplaying long before I found MMOs like Second Life or World of Warcraft.

Have you ever looked at your avatar and thought “well (s)he looks nice” or some other third person observation? Or have you ever looked at thought “well, I look nice”?

Presuming for a second that your avatar actually did look nice to you… which of those two would be the most likely way for that thought to pop into your head?

In other words… are you observing your avatar or becoming your avatar?

 

Even in roleplaying environments, there are people who see a statement against their avatar/character as a personal attack.

In the context of roleplay that’s seen as a failure. And this is one way in which SL is NOT a game… In SL it’s normal for people to take encounters their avatar has as personal.

In gaming, people do take success or failure personally… but as an extension of how well they played the game… It’s just a little different. If you make friends in an ‘MMO’ with someone, you’re making friends with the other player… It’s very common in SL to never cross the barrier of the avatar and yet for the relationship to be felt as real – and this is in many ways because the avatar is seen as a self-extension.

Somehow the stronger barrier between avatar and real-life-user creates an inverse bond between ‘avatar experience’ and ‘personal experience’. That we often know the ‘person behind the character’ in an MMO makes the characters and what happens to them almost disposable, that we don’t know the ‘real person’ behind the avatar in an MMO like SL makes the avatar’s experience feel more personal.

 

Even if one has a character in an MMO that they highly value… it’s rare to see it as a part of oneself. It’s a character, not an avatar.

In online games, MMOs and the like, there is a popular refrain usually against males that play female characters, and sometimes though less often against females that play male characters. It goes something like “you just play that character to look at some T&A on your screen all day long”.

I think it’s actually more often stated by the men playing their character as a ‘defense’ against the possibly much worse accusation that they might actually identify with a female persona (yeah… LGBT folks, especially the ‘T’ folks, I suspect would get rather peeved anytime it gets revealed that this is why some bloke claims he’s not a “freak”, he’s just a “perv enjoying some T&A”… because really, the entire claim is a slap in their faces – but that’s a whole different topic from the one I’m going after today).

 

I’ve been seeing it phrased like that since the first time I saw an online platform allow players to play a female character (Oh boy… there’s a whole ‘nother rant about how video games used to be male characters only because that was ‘normal’. Remember when Tomb Raider came out; half the scandal was that she was too sexy with her grand total polygon count of 3… but the other half was just the mere fact that she was female).

Let’s cycle this back to avatar choices – that go way beyond gender, and really into every last aspect of your avatar, your character, and so on – in any platform where you assume some ‘representation’ that is not actually you on a screen like Facebook or facetime, etc.

I think examining this can also get to the heart of a lot of other conflicts we see in the social dynamics of online platforms. Even to why some people really dislike or embrace something like Facebook with it’s ‘the flesh and bones birth certificate only version of you’ thing.

When you see your avatar on your screen… again, is that you, or a character you are exploring? Does she have her existence and person, or is she just you recreated in cartoon pixels?

I strongly suspect that a LOT of those blokes in MMOs who are just ‘playing a blood elf to look at some ass’ actually are experiencing that character as a reflection of some aspect of their inner self, and just pretending to be there to be a ‘perv’ because well… apparently Harvey Weinstein is somehow still less freaky than Boy George… It’s 2020 and we still have to deal with that… (there’s a similar issue with women running the gauntlet between slut and tomboy/butch – except neither is “safe turf”).

 

I can’t really say either perspective (character as character or avatar as you) is wrong or right, and I also think most of us exist on a spectrum here that can also vary per ‘avatar’ / character.

I have many alts in SL. Whereas some people adopt different looks and set them up in outfit folders:

This is my furry look, this is my hot-girl look, this is my dude look, this is my ‘fuck me’ look, this is my ‘fuck you’ look, this is my ‘fuck off’ look… etc… I spin out alts…

So Pussycat is always a neko, and if some place doesn’t want nekos around but I really insist on going there, I log off and log back in to an alt. People that get to know me on a ‘hang out together’ level (and oddly, it’s been a few years since I had anyone on this list) have to deal with a cast of alts.
– so that pretty squarely reads like a statement that binds me to the concept of ‘Observer Fantasy’.


Observer Fantasy: your avatar is someone else, that you ‘roleplay as’ or otherwise observe externally. She is not you. You are basically perving her existence. Your avatar is ‘her’, ‘him’, ‘them’ – that person. Not ‘I’ or ‘me’.

But it’s not that simple because I also very deeply explore aspects of myself through my avatars. And I feel deeply about them and about how they interact with and are treated by others.

I’m not deeply on the Participatory Fantasy end. But I think I have observed it… enough… to be able to define it.

Participatory Fantasy: your avatar is you. She is a recreation of you in the online medium. It is your voice that speaks through her, and what she does is directly you. You are ‘living a part of your life’ online, using her as the means through which to connect to the medium. She is ‘I’ or ‘me’ and not her.

Watch sometimes how people will refer to the process of configuring something about the avatar…

“I just can’t find the right outfit, I don’t look good in this outfit.”

“I just can’t find the right outfit, my avatar looks all wrong in this outfit.”

  • Are you getting dressed in SL, or are you dressing a virtual doll?

 

That said… I think most people who are ‘Observer Fantasy’ will in an example like the above refer to the avatar in the first person… because the outfit frustration is their frustration… and it’s not natural to switch POV mid-sentence…

That’s where it starts seeming like we’re mostly ‘on the spectrum’ here, and not at the ends of it. Sometimes you ARE your avatar, sometimes you’re observing your avatar.

  • When I run off and put my avatar through pixel-XXX; I’m in observer mode. Intentionally so – it’s a big part of why I avoid SL ‘relationships’ and just go for ‘strangers’. This is ‘roleplay’ or ‘game time’, and it’s not me. Basically it’s ‘porn I can direct’ to have the actors perform my turn-ons and not those of some random bloke in Southern California…
  • When I am exploring philosophical positions and crafting my avatar to reflect some philosophy or political stance; I am in participation mode. My avatar is just a tool through which I examine how I feel about something. When I was early in SL and came across Rasta; this was very much where I spent most of my SL time – seeing the avatar as a self-extension.

Two extremely opposite perspectives. These days I tend to put a bright wall between who I will engage with for each, to avoid drama.

 

In many ways this is a different angle on the old debate about ‘is SL a game or not’. I’ve long held the position that it’s both… and I suspect that seriously aggravates mostly people who are very far on the ‘Participatory Fantasy side of the spectrum (especially those with narrow, older-generation conceptions of the word ‘game’ – we could look at a whole series of articles on the concept of ‘gamification’ in technology to see how the definition of ‘game’ is now a moving target).

 

So just some food for thought.

Do you ‘observe’ or ‘play’ SL, or are you ‘experiencing’ or ‘living in’ SL?

Or, I suspect, is it some combination of these putting you on a line somewhere between those extremes?

 

And how do you handle things when you find yourself dealing with a person or situation that is on a radically different end of that spectrum from you?

 

Free Maitreya Proportionate Kit released

Years ago I put out kits for the standard sizes, and then later for Belleza’s Freya and Isis.

Well, now that I’ve started using Maitreya, I’m putting out something I’ve been repeatedly asked to make, a kit for Maitreya:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/FREE-Maitreya-Proportionate-Shapes-And-Physics-Kit/19909013

 

This is basically a repeat of my kits for Belleza, but with a shape made to try and get Maitreya into proportion. You might notice that the arm length is not perfect – it simply isn’t possible to make the arms long enough without giving your female avatar the shoulders of a male NFL linebacker… but you can get ‘close enough to not notice without trying to notice’… and so that’s what I went for, because the linebacker shoulders would have just looked really weird…

Enjoy.

 

Giving Maitreya a new look

(Caution: This article shows nude closeups of ‘adult attachments’. NSFW ahead.)

So I’ve been letting it out lately that I’ve recently switched to Maitreya.

50067036937_30be789029_o_4x3

Yes this is Maitreya – with some mods.

Folks who know me may know I have a long history of slamming Maitreya at basically every single last opportunity I could find. Historically there are a number of things I have never liked about the Maitreya mesh body. Most of them are still existing.

So… what, exactly, could possibly get me to flip my stance?

I’m going to run down the list of issues I have had, and for each I’ll run through how I’ve gotten myself past it, if I have, or how the body no longer has those problems (the 5.0, 5.1, and 5.2 updates are key to this).

No support for butt or belly physics

This is still an issue, so this one actually still counts as a minus vote. So obviously enough other things have changed to outweigh this. But why did I ever care to begin with? I am a mostly full time nudist in SL, and so I like to have a little motion to the various parts of the body. Belly physics have never been key to me – that is mostly a feature needed for a ‘heafty build’ avatar. But buttock physics – you have only to look at the popular dance style ‘twerking’ to see that motion here is a very much realistic thing. I’m no fan of any twerking dances I have seen in SL (recently found a kit that is an almost… and I might get it… if I do this might change)… but just when walking about, dancing, and in SL sex there is motion here that should be reflected.

The breast physics are too extreme and flop all over the place

I have never gotten physics that I felt looked natural. While there was nothing for butt or belly, there was too much for breast. I am currently very close to getting there though, due to forcing myself to work on it after the switch. That said one of the other things I did in the switch, somewhat obvious in the screenshots here, made this issue not-relevant.

The breasts are too small, even at size 100, and they radically deform if you go too high or too low

I still feel the breasts are too small. At size 100, they are ‘smaller than real life’ to my eyes. The Maitreya 100 is where I feel roughly 65 should be. Even Belleza at 100 feels a little small to me these days, and for the past year I’ve been using a deformer to boost it up more (and suffering some deforming under the breast). Maitreya has just put out a ‘petite’ kit which is aimed at going even smaller – moving in the exact wrong direction for me. But they noted the body was updated to support new breast kits, plural, so I am hopefully they will look at the other end as well…

That said. This:

Proud Girls Breast kit for Maitreya seen on Pussycat

Proud Girls Breast kit for Maitreya

Proud Girls: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/MdlM-Proud-Girls/13105977

Lets me go to a comic-book level extreme on the side of big. Not as big as some of those old ‘super chesty’ mods we used to see before the age of mesh bodies, but basically on the size of a 90s super hero comic book…

I know that’s a bit silly, but I like it. I added this note to my profile in regards to it:

Yes, my avatar is extremely busty. It’s 1/2 turn on & 1/2 silly. If you laugh with me over it I’ll like you, but if you laugh at me over it you’re missing the point

It can scale from what you see above to about what Maitreya at 100 looks like, without deforming. It does have a different shape though, and there are no nipple mod-kits for it, and only a small number of mesh clothing items exist. So if you’re not a nudist it’s of limited use (but see the reply to my review that the creator made: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/products/13105977/reviews/4658665#comments ).

By the way… with some heavy work on the shape dials, here is what I am now able to get with Maitreya’s built in breasts at size 100:

What changed for me was realizing that breast-buoyancy breaks Maitreya if dialed up, but enhances Belleza. So in the above I have Buoyancy for Maitreya at 0. Note that the Belleza is a little deformed because of the size enhancer… So I had trained myself to be used to that… which also lessoned the impact of a switch.

 

I didn’t like the shape of the body – it was too thin, too scrunched in hips, odd shoulders, and so on.

I spent a few hours with myself an alt each standing on pose stand placed at the same coordinates – so my alt standing inside of me. The alt had Maitreya on (2 of my alts have had Maitreya for years, but not kept updated – updated one to do this).

I adjusted dials until I had as close of a match as I could get. What I found was just that the dials I expected to need where not the ones I did need. For example my Belleza Freya at body fat 5 if my Maitreya close to Body Fat 24, but also with hip length much higher, saddle bags lower, torso and leg muscle much higher, height lower.

I am still facing defeat on the shoulders:

But it’s better, and the rest is passable.

The feet can’t be adjusted in size

This was a major issue for me, because proportions are vital to me. And locked foot size meant I could not have proper proportions with Maitreya in most shapes. This issue has just been fixed with the 5.2 update. That update breaks all existing Maitreya shoes unless you set foot size to 25… but the assumption is new shoes will start to properly support resizing and those who go barefoot will of course be free to have good proportions now.

So this issue is resolved for me.

Why bother to switch when it’s just another super laggy body. Maitreya and Belleza both are lag beasts…

With the 5.1 (or did this happen in 5.0?) update Maitreya switched to having each layer worn individually. You can see that here in my 5.2 copy:

– This is extremely important. When you wear just 1 of these layers, you are dramatically reducing your impact on lag for yourself and everyone around you.

Here’s the “complexity” as Niran’s Dragon Viewer score it, for 3 major bodies:

RegaliaMaitreyaBelleza2

So that is:

  • Regalia: 31,928 (33736 triangles)
  • Maitreya (only skin layer worn): 134,699 (176,297 triangles)
  • Belleza: 424,473 (521287 triangles)

– Do note that Niran’s Viewer is seen as not correct by the Lindens, but Niran has a long article refuting this. Whether or not you agree with his chosen numbers, Niran’s method of basically ‘lets not let people get away with tricks to hide the true impact’ results in some pretty shocking revelations about different bodies.

What you can see here is that 5.2 Maitreya is dramatically lower than 5.2 Belleza. Regalias is absurdly lower than either of them. Do note that Reglalia can wear Maitreya, Belleza, Legacy, and Slink clothing – the problem is that it’s made for furries, has paws instead of feet, and uses a unique UV-map so it can only use skins made for it… BUT I note Regalia to make the point that even though Maitreya has improved a lot, it can still improve a LOT more.

This should not be underestimated.

The lag impact of 1 person on Belleza is similar to perhaps 15 people on pre-mesh system avatars (2011 era). Maitreya would be about 3 of those. Maitreya 4.x or older would be like maybe 5-8 pre-mesh people. Regalia would be possibly less than them because it’s mesh is just so optimized it’s possibly lighter on your GPU than prims… but I’m not sure on that…

If you visited a dance club today and it had 5 people on Belleza… it would be like visiting that same club in 2011 and it having 75 people… If it had 5 Maitreya 5.2 people, it’d be like it had maybe 25 people. If they were on Maitreya 4, maybe like 30 2011 people…

That’s why everywhere you go these days seems to be laggy…

It’s a LOT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT… I’m basically ONLY talking about the impact of rendering triangles, and ignoring everything else… the Everything else is also getting worse – except for resizer scripts (those got better)…

These days so many stupid fools walk around with their HUDs on… I’ve seen so many screenshots of people made in gyazo that reveals they still have their Maitreya HUD on. No one but a pure stupid as a brick idiot should be doing that… that is your other major source of lag… but that’s got nothing to do with my switch of avatars… it’s just something that annoys me to the extreme… I’d love to see a script that could detect if you were wearing a config HUD for your body, head, or cloths in public, and if so flat out log you out and crash your computer after infecting it with malware… because that’s what you’re doing to the rest of us… them freaks need to get smacked off the grid… /endrant…

(I’m sorry for the angry nature of that, but come on everybody… there is lag we’re stuck with, and there is lag that is our own fault… let’s not make a bad problem worse by doing things that we don’t even get a benefit out of, like leaving stuff you don’t need on…)

 

So really that covers my ‘things I dislike and how I got past them’. But it kinda just adds up to a wash, save for the lag issue.

Note on the resizer scripts. Back around 2011 Linden Lab introduced a new way to have a single script effect a bunch of things linked together. Before that to resize something that was say… 50 prims linked together, you needed 51 scripts… Since 2011 you only need 1. While people have IGNORED the many other things Linden Lab fixed over the years (folks are still using bad client side or viewer side AOs and not the serverside ones introduced in 2013, that I now have a new freebie for)… in this one single area the community listened. I yelled up a storm about it, and I suspect… I and my freebies were soundly ignored… but people saw the issue was so bad they paid a lot of money for others to tell them the very thing I had told them for free… so we got there anyway.

 

Another big thing to get me to switch was the release of the Sensations v7 Vagina

Remember I’m an SL nudist… There was basically 1 female prop that was rigged for Belleza, and it did so with a blended transparent prop on top of the body meaning some ‘transparency glitches’ would occur, and it could not spread open enough to ‘contain a male member during activity’…

Open vs Closed – WordPress allows nudity, but not action shots, but just recognize that the open there is enough for your SL adult needs

The sensations one spreads enough to handle typical male prop girth. So I can take shots from a wider range of camera angles…
Also notice how it’s a cutout, so you actually have a ‘view inside’ which can be key to certain shots from certain angles.

And it lines up perfectly with the body without transparency issues. And it’s low complexity.

And… it’s BOM. So the skin of the outer lips is a perfect match the moment you wear it (if you’re using BOM, which is the best way to deal with using a single layer Maitreya body).

Only problem is that it’s currently Maitreya only. There’s a plan to make it for Belleza and Legacy also – but that’s in the future. Still if I knew that was coming soon it would diffuse this issue to being ‘not enough by itself’… it’s just that when you add this together with the other things, it all becomes enough to motivate a switch.

If this all seems a bit weird and ‘extreme’ to you – this is really no more than anyone would demand from a male prop. Why should the female anatomy be shorted? I want for my avatar all the functionality I can get for whatever she might get up to.

And right now, I can only get that with Maitreya.

 

The last thing to note is about ‘Bakes On Mesh’ or ‘BOM’.

BOM is only worth switching to if you’re using mesh properly configured for it. That means no onion layers. You want a single layer mesh, and then you use the old ‘pre mesh era’ skin, tattoo, clothing, and alha masks to ‘bake’ a look together just like we all used to do before 2011… Then you apply the ‘BOM’ texture to the mesh, and SL replaces it with the baked system stuff.

– A lot of mesh bodies and mesh heads have a BOM applier in their HUD. But only a very few of them actually give you a single layer mesh to wear it with. In the Body camp, one of those is Maitreya. I believe Slink is the other but I am not sure.

So once you go Maitreya 5.2 or higher – you really also want to go BOM for the maximum lag-reducing result.

Doing that… was the final piece of my choice.

 

For heads I am not sure. I am investigating. I use CATWA but it just applies BOM onto the Onion system. I still have the Onion layers. I am looking for something with a face I can like that is single layer.

Suggestions are welcome. But it has to have a ‘skin layer only’ head. Whether that’s the default way it comes or something I can get for it / choose to do with it. I need a mesh head that has ZERO other layers: no makeup, no tattoo, no hair, no lip, no brows, no nothing. Maybe it can have lashes because I’m not sure if BOM can even bake to there – but that’s it.

And because I’m a neko it also needs good fangs…

 

Avatar Impact Script Time Monitor FINALLY released

scriptlagmonitor__004b

Remember this:

https://catnapkitty.wordpress.com/2017/12/21/almost-done-wip-script-lag-monitor/

– I was working on it in 2017…

I finally fixed the problem, and so have set it up for sale.

Turns out the entire problem I was having was due to setting the display texture to ‘alpha mask’ rather than ‘blending’…

I tiny tweak to one value and it worked… took me 2 years to just suddenly wonder… ‘what would happen if I changed how it handled the transparency on the text?’

But hey… it works now…

So here it is:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/Avatar-Impact-Script-Time-Monitor/18561832

Why get this one over the competition?

 

  1. This one actually reports a real value that shows how much script lag an avatar is creating. Not some useless value like number of scripts or memory or even ‘complexity’, but the CPU time each avatar is using up from the sim server’s script allotment.
  2. This one is low land impact for the amount of detail. I’ve seen meters range from a land impact like this one to as much as 100 to be able to display everyone.
  3. There are only 2 textures involved. The back panel, and the text – all the text is a single texture, so there is no ‘loading lag’ everytime a new letter pops up. Once you can see any one letter, you’ve cached them all.
  4. It has a LOT of configurable options, including even adjusting how much script time you see as being a problem.
  5. It’s better… because I say so. πŸ˜›

 

 

 

The [racist] men in our lives… can shove it

Breaking the isolation of this blog to post what I put on the Sl forums today that got deleted:

This thread:

https://community.secondlife.com/forums/topic/445800-the-men-who-have-made-a-difference-in-your-life/

 

To the men in our lives…

Ok…

To my white-passing stepfather that, once I became a teen; used to beat the crap out of me daily for no reason. The man who, before he went bad, gave me my moral compass.

To his drunken white father that abandoned him on the streets of a third world country after his Mayan mother died when he was a child, and just flew off to the states as if my eventual stepfather didn’t even exist.

To his older latino-passing brother that found him a few years later and brought him home to the states…

To my mother’s white stepfather that used to rape my aunt, and made a living selling hardcore drugs and pimping young women out on the streets of San Francisco – a dealer until it killed him.

To my mother’s actual father, a racist white man I barely knew.

To the white man who, a century and a half ago; gave my ‘white family’ African blood by raping a woman he claimed he owned…

To my white NCOIC in the military that referred to people like me, to me my face, as ‘little brown fuck machines’…

To the white sergeant that told me I had no business and no right to complain about a White Man.

To the white cops who arrested me before I was even old enough to go to kindergarten, after letting all the white kids go home…

To the Nazi SS officer who inspired a German woman I met, his daughter; to rebel and become a lifelong ‘Social Justice Warrior’ – in turn inspiring my outlook on life.

 

To my actual father; who after I came to live with him would vanish for weeks at a time, causing me to have to learn how to hustle to get by… and realize that failure wasn’t just a white thing…

 

To a random black guy who got out of the projects through nothing but the strength of his mind & with a story that resonated to my own, and found me in a bar in Asia; told me I was too smart to be giving up on things, and set me on the path to becoming an engineer.

 

I later learned to forgive and even cherish my stepfather again; after he got better and faced his inner demons. He may be the only reason I didn’t ‘give up’ on whites… seeing my abuser transform and return his core self.
– It is a complicated thing, but the same person who was one of the worst influences in my life was also one of the most positive influences. People are complex… and they go through stages… It would take me many articles to explain that particular dynamic…

 

– Good is always born in fire.

Until you’ve lived through evil, until you’ve walked through the flames and not burned up; you don’t know what the fight is even about.

 


NOTE:

I fully expect this one to make some people mad. Some folks, when seeing someone note that they’ve been harmed by racism, call that person racist for pointing it out… It is akin to calling the person that gets burned in a fire an arsonist for daring to yell ‘fire’…
– People like that can shove off…

I’ve also got a few more posts sitting in ‘drafts’ that I might publish that are not of this kind of tone. So this blog might come back… and if it does it will sometimes be SL specific, and sometimes be my viewpoint, and often both.

There’s some stuff that… folks don’t like me saying… and which they have decided they will simply not let me say inside of the SL sphere of control. But it’s still there to be said…

 

 

Almost done WIP: Script Lag Monitor

EDIT: So what happened? This got delayed due to a bad LOD on the mesh I’m using for the text. Other people have given me free replacements (thank you for that) – but now I have to rewrite these lines:

    while(++i)
    {
        charA = (96 + llSubStringIndex(charset,llGetSubString(s,(faces + i) * 2,(faces + i) * 2))) % 96; //unfound chars will use the last char(DEL) in the charset as a replacement, null strings with use the first char(space) in the charset
        charB = (96 + llSubStringIndex(charset,llGetSubString(s,((faces + i) * 2) + 1,((faces + i) * 2) + 1))) % 96;
        integer column = ((96 * charA) + charB) % 85; //85 = (1024 pixel texture width / (6 pixel char width * 2 chars per set)
        integer row = ((96 * charA) + charB) / 85;
        PARAMS = (PARAMS = []) + PARAMS + [PRIM_TEXTURE,faces + i,"5e947299-739e-1c42-fb30-64e04bc0510d",<1.0,1.0,0.0>
,<(float)column * (12.0 / 1024.0),(float)row * -(8.0 / 1024.0),0.0>
,0.0];
    }

To apply text to things with a different UV map than the mesh I had used. And that is proving more complex than I expected.

I’ve been working on a new scripting project for the past few days:

This thing will monitor a region defined as either your parcel, all parcels you own in the sim, or the whole sim – and report back the top 8 laggiest avatars as defined in order of the ‘script time’ they are using.

Script Time is defined as:

the average CPU time (in seconds) used by scripts in an object or agent. Like top scripts, the time reported is the average script time per frame for the last 30 minutes for all scripts on the object. If the object has been in the region for less than 30 minutes, the number reported will be the average time per frame since the object entered the region.

It is getting it’s values from llGetObjectDetails: http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/LlGetObjectDetails

There has long been debate about the value of all these metrics in relation to ‘lag’. A lot of that revolves around people who are too picky over the definition of lag. Insisting on a technical definition rather than a ‘common use’ definition.

The common use definition is easy:

‘This stuff is slowing me down. Things are slow.’

The technical definition wants different words for:

  • The server is slow
  • My connection is slow
  • My computer is slow
  • My own butt is too slow clicking them keys
  • 27,372 different other things that most people just define as “this crap is freaking slow”.

All I care about is “this crap is slow”.

– That is how I define lag… I know that according to a computer science manual this makes me the equivalent of an Amish from the year 3702 B.C. who doesn’t even know what a stone axe is (ps: Amish didn’t exist back then. I know). Fine… But that’s what most people mean when they say “SL is laggy”. The mean their experience is slow.

So…

In the world of “this crap is slow” all of these metrics matter to some degree. They each indicate something different – but it all adds up to “WTF is wrong with my SL?”

The most important one of them though – the one that actually says “Yo… you, yeah you… WTF is you doing? Cut it out already!” is Script Time.

– This one is saying that person’s scripts are using up a measurable amount of CPU time…

Now we can argue about “the sim will still get everything done because scripts come after other resources and so your stuff will be done…”

But I want my stuff done now… I don’t want to have to step into the Tardis and have the Doctor take me to the end of the Universe to finish my ‘sit in chair’ action…

Sure it will get done… the CPU just pushes it off…

Kinda like Congress…

Push it off to after the next election… and again… and again… because it doesn’t want to pay that ‘time’ yet…

Even the people who say ‘Script Time is meaningless’ say so in terms of “because someday, long after the sun has exploded and we’ve moved to Earth 9 and the Face of Boe has passed away… (and even CW has run out ways to bring him back for the next season of Arrow) that crap will be done… so it’s not actually lag, because it does happen eventually…”

… Well even in that we’re admitting that “this crap is freaking slow”.

So…

I sort this meter by Script Time because it’s a concrete measure.

I show total scripts – that’s more a human curiosity thing.

Let’s say I’m running one beastly script that eats up 90% of a sim’s resources and you’re running 103 tiny little scripts that don’t do much of anything… who’s the bigger problem in that? Me. So ‘Total Scripts’ is great for drama but doesn’t mean much by itself.

Still I probably couldn’t pass around a meter unless I had that value on it…

Memory…

Script memory does mean something. But it is allocation rather than use. Allocation is more important than people think though…

Let’s say you have a nice closet rack with 72 clothing hangers on it. I say “I reserve these 64 hangers for me, you get the rest”

I put up 3 dresses. You’re standing there with 20… You put up your first 8 and then reach for the 9th hanger and I slap your hand away saying “that hanger is mine.”

– I only used 3… but I allocated 64.

This is why allocation matters.

Because you now have to keep swapping 11 dresses in your hand with the 8 on the rack and juggling that mess… because I’ve been a jerk and reserved the other 64 for myself and walked away.

There are tools in SL’s coding language to ‘change your allocation based on what you used’… to look at the rack after I put up 3 dresses and say “oh hey… I only used 3, you can use the other 61 now”…
– But most SL script makers don’t use this code… it’s why almost everything in SL, when you look at the script usage:

Shows a 16 or a 64, or some multiple of those numbers… There’s a reason I picked 64 hangers… SL’s mono language only sells hangers in packs of 64… then lets you tell the closet how many you used and let other people use the rest. The older LSL pre-mono system sold them in packs of 16 and made you use them all, and if you had 17 dresses… tough.

So… Script Memory usage is useful… but also kinda tricky… and it’s subject to a massive amount of drama among the community because of the issue of it being allocation and not usage and questions on ‘what’s that mean’.

So I report it… but I sort by Script Time instead.

Arc…

This is the old metric that was used before ‘Avatar Complexity’. There actually two versions of ARC in SL, and one was total junk, the second one was almost good, but not really good. I have no idea which one SL’s code reports – but neither is the current system.

However SL code has no way that I could find to get ‘Avatar Complexity’, and again a lot of meters report this value. While it is not accurate, it IS still useful to see in terms of sort order… the higher someone is on, the more laggy they “probably are” to those around them – in terms of more stuff to have to deal with when that person is around you… but it’s hard to say at what point is there an issue… and with modern graphics some people might be easier to ‘render’ (see) who have higher numbers than others… So Arc is only “sometimes useful”. We definitely do NOT want to sort the list based on, nor take action or warn people based on values in it.

If we had ‘Avatar Complexity’ that wold be different – it is possibly even more useful than Script Time for telling you if someone around you will cause you ‘lag’ (as in “slow your SL down” – you people who want technical definitions of the word lag can stuff it).

Finally we get to ‘Download Weight’ – I don’t think anyone else reports this, it was a curious metric I found in the LSL code:

http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/OBJECT_STREAMING_COST

http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Mesh/Mesh_Streaming_Cost

I am calling it ‘Download Weight’ – what it is referred to in the second article, rather than ‘Streaming Cost’ because this isn’t your Netflix bill…

Here’s some techie mumbo-jumbo to make this more confusing:

“The streaming and rendering cost of a Mesh is directly related to the number of bytes in a Mesh asset LOD slot, and the likelihood that a given LOD will be downloaded and displayed can be computed based on the size of the object. Imagine a set of 3 concentric circles centered on an object where each circle represents the transition boundary between LODs. The streaming/rendering cost of that object can be determined by examining the size of those circles vs the number of bytes in the relevant LODs. Uploading a high LOD only will result in the load of the high lod being applied to the entire 256m, while uploading appropriate LODs will result in the lion’s share of 256m being applied to the lowest LOD. ”

Confused yet?

This one basically means… ‘ya’ll gots some stuff that is taking time to download and render’.

Um so… yeah… Is that important? How much is too much? If I am at 31 and you are at 753 does that matter?

This one looked interesting to mentally note and observe… but it is too vague to use for determining ‘who’s naughty and who’s nice’…

So the end of all that blathering is that this meter sorts on and warns on Script Time only.

It is basically the only metric we can have an objective opinion about that says “that person over there with a high script time is causing a problem for the sim”.

How much is high?

I dunno…

Yeah… that’s right. I don’t know. No one really does. So I made it a setting you can adjust in the config notecard.

– This is one of the major reasons critics of these meters don’t like them. “We don’t know how fast is too fast to drive on the freeway so there should be no speed limit and I’mma gonna go do 372 mph next to a school zone. da’freak with any kids I run over.”

I think it’s better to just say “you know… most people seem to be under this… so why don’t I double it, and set my gauge there…”

There’s actually a lot that I made configurable in this thing.

Here’s the config notecard:

# warn and then take action above this number, the value is in miliseconds.
scriptMemThreshold = 0.25

# Rerun the region scan every ‘scanHowOften’ seconds. Don’t slow your sim down scanning too often.
# The scan itself takes from 5-10 seconds to process all the data and send out warnings / take action, so
# any faster than 20 risks the script tripping over itself.
# This is protected against values below 20. Any values below that will be treated as 20.
scanHowOften = 30

# countToAction
# This number is how many warnings a person will get before action is taken against them.
# This is protected against being set below one. Values below that will be treated as 1.
countToAction = 3

# graceCount
# This is the number of scans to do before giving any warnings.
# When an avatar enters a sim, that sim has to load in everything about that avatar’s current status: the things you see, the scripts,
# and various assorted bits of data. All of this causes avatars to ‘spike’ on their lag reports for as much as a minute after appearing on sim.
# For this reason we don’t pester people who just popped in. If you find that people you know are low on lag and getting ‘warned’ by this monitor,
# up the value of this setting a little bit and have them test out teleporting in and out until you “find the sweet spot” for your sim.
# New avatars will still show on the monitor when they first join, just not get spammed, so you can watch the monitor to see how long it takes
# your sim to ‘load them in’ and bring their numbers down. And if it’s taking seriously long… see about asking somebody for a sim restart, or
# look into what’s going on with slowing your sim down… (some years ago I had to delete an entire line of furniture I had stuffed into a temp-rezzer
# because it will killing my sim – this was the day that convinced me to stop using temp-rezzers, and to update my brands of furniture…). I had
# thought it was laggy avatars, but as soon as I cleared that junk out, my sim was oiled-up and ready for action.
# For every step of this value, the monitor will wait ‘scanHowOften’ seconds before sending warnings.
# This value is protected against going below 1. Any value below 1 will be treated as 1.
# furthermore, for most sims, 1 is actually the right value to use.
graceCount = 1

# use ban, eject, teleport, or warn. All other entries are treated like eject.
# ban: puts the avatar on the parcel ban list – use this carefully.
# eject: throws the avatar off to the nearest land not owned by the owner of the ‘ScriptMonitorZapper’. Fails to work on a region with no bordering regions.
# teleport: teleports the avatar home.
# warn: takes no action except to keep messaging the offender every 30 seconds asking them to reduce their lag.
warningAction = eject

# warningMessage
# This is the message sent to people to warn or notify them about being laggy.
# Split into parts 1 and 2, max 255 character each, in case you want an extra long message (like the example).
# This MUST include one use of both [*] twice in the message.
# The first use will report how much lag the offender is causing, the second will report the sim’s “scriptMemThreshold”.
warningMessageP1 = Your Script Time of [*]ms CPU time per frame exceeds [*]ms, which is slowing down the sim for everyone in it no matter who’s land they or you are on. Please detach some of that fine sweet lag you’re running
warningMessageP2 = around with so the rest of us can enjoy SL as much as you do.

# Avatars in parcels in this region owned by the owner of the parcel this is rezzed in.
# parcel: All avatars on this parcel.
# parcelowner: All avatars on parcels owned by the same owner/group as the land this monitor is on.
# region: All avatars in the region.
scanDistance = region

# Should the monitor report lag info privately or publicly?
# vocal: the monitor will say into local chat who is laggy – limited in distance to those near the monitor. – 20m range
# quiet: the monitor will only message laggy individuals, and not mention them publicly. mum’s the word.
# loud: the monitor will use shout to send a message about who is laggy. – 100m range
gossip = quiet

# The list of people you don’t want actions taken against. They will still get warnings when they’re laggy, but they won’t get zapped.
# Names must be full usernames, like: Pussycat Catnap or Reggae Resident. Just using Reggae would not protect that avatar.
# So again, avatars with ONLY a firstname username, like Reggae, need to have the ‘Resident’ part added in here.
avatarOnPrivelegedList = Pussycat Catnap, Reggae Resident

# The channel the monitor uses to talk to the ‘ScriptMonitorZapper’
# If you change this it will break the zapper unless you also make the value the same in the zapper’s script.
# You have to edit the zapper’s script – it does not have a notecard.
controlBoxChannel = -4902257

So right now… this meter is just on my land. I’m testing it out… I do plan to release it soon. When I do so… I am debating things like… what to charge for it… and what permissions to set.

I’ve been annoyed that none of the other meters I could find had readable scripts. I had to hack my way through LSL and the LSL wiki to figure out making this thing.

I was motivated to make it because every meter out there has half the features I want combined with a set of feature that annoy the heck out of me…

Like… spamming everyone sim wide the moment you teleport in reporting your lag…

– Well guess what? When avatars first land on a sim the sim spends a lot of resources loading them in, including all their active scripts, all the textures on them, all the mesh and prims, and an assortment of things… So when people first land on a sim they’re metrics spike up kinda high, then quickly go down to their actual usage…

  1. So that there was my first incentive… to make a meter that could track everyone on a sim, even outside of my own parcel, report people using excessive scripts to the meter, message them asking them to ‘turn down the music dude, it’s after 11pm and you’re blaring that Katey Perry like crazy all over the whole block’… and well… not do so until after they’ve been around long enough for the all the sim-loading-dogs to stop barking unless there is an actual reason to bark…
  2. The second thing that annoyed me about all of the competition was the extremely prim and texture heavy manner they used to display text… I used a full-perms solution I grabbed off of Marketplace:
    https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/LLSLEDLCDSprite-Mesh-Text-Display-For-Developer-Use-Only/7245285- This means my entire monitor uses 3 textures:the backboard texture (512×512)
    A single texture for all of the text (1024×1024)
    The SL Library transparent textureand one more fourth texture, my logo, sits on the ‘ActionHandler’ box – the box that actually ejects, teleports, or bans people if you have configured for those options.If you display text on a board in Second Life, I highly recommend checking out this new display technology. It’s much better than the old methods…

I’m probably going to put this out soonish, and make it mod. It’s my hope that doing so will help improve it, and help other people learn SL scripting.

SL Nudist, or not – “Transgressive Nudity” / Exhibitionism, and re-partaking in ‘Adult Content’ in SL

Been a while since I blogged. A LOT of things have happened for me in both RL and SL. Generally good stuff, but I’ve been busy.

This is going to be a bit ‘all over the place’…

I read an article recently about how Halloween is the one time of the year when we can escape ‘slut shaming’ and just have fun. When you can walk down the street in a sexy nurse getup, and then go back to normal in the morning. I think SL can also do that for some of us some of the time. You can express things here and it’s a ‘different space’ with different rules. Not always; I was recently admonished by a group and kicked out of another as a result of the changes in my SL nature I’m about to explore below. But much of what we do explore in SL is in that ‘different space’.

So this is kind of musing on that and SL and my recent changes in SL. All I will say about RL is that even more dramatic changes have occurred for me there. They were crazy, but resolved very well.

I find myself at odds with all of the ‘Naturist’ / ‘Nudist’ crowd both inside and outside of Second Life.

I am ‘not’ a ‘real life’ nudist. Never been to one of their events or places and everything I’ve read about them and discussed with them tells me I would not enjoy my experience there.

But why. When the idea of ‘running around without a stitch on’ fascinates?

For me the nudity is highly sensual. I find the human body erotic. I strongly believe this puts me on the ‘right side of biology’. ‘Naturists’ spend an amazing amount of time talking about how un-sexual the sex organs are to them… which just baffles me every time they go down that route. I suspect our ancient ancestors before humanity had clothing spent a lot of their days “bouncing on the pole”, closer to Bonobos in conduct than Chimpanzees.

Yes there are plenty of nude societies around that world that do NOT spend all their time stuck in an orgy. An assortment of rituals, taboos, and gender divides end up serving the purpose that clothing serves for the ‘modern world’. I could be right or wrong about this. It’s just how I feel about it…

And that could easily say more about me than anyone or anything else.

Some of my own Amazonian ‘kin’ from lower down the mountain than my own people, live their whole lives in the nude down there by the river. And some of their societies have extreme taboos about going anywhere near a person of the opposite sex. Yes you can google, even google the exact name of my ethnic group, and find ‘online porn’ with ‘Indian Looking people’ playing or touching each other intimately. Maybe real, maybe not. I’ve certainly been trolled before by a racist posting a picture of someone who looked a lot like a cousin of mine, brutally murdered in the Amazon… As an excuse, the person stated it was an image from a movie… But the message was still there. Kind of like putting a noose on a black man’s mailbox and then saying “but it’s just a Halloween prop” – your message is still pretty starkly there. But the point is… there’s a LOT of stuff out there that is ‘fake Indian culture’ made as entertainment for whites. Hollywood had a whole genre of movies for this in the 1950s…

But I’m related to those folks in the Amazon by blood but not by culture. I’m an “Amazon Indian” born in a city of 9 million, who’s Amazon relatives live in a city that was put under Spanish rule almost a 100 years before the first ‘white man’ ever stepped foot in New England (it fascinates me how US-Americans talks about landing at Plymouth Rock into an untouched wilderness, and getting served corn – which was a trade good those ‘Injuns’ got from the Spanish that had been sitting in Mexico City for 100 years already).

But I am no less Amazonian than a Scottsman who isn’t running around in a kilt with William Wallace fighting the English with a sword and funky pipe music is no less Scottish. Well, maybe a person who is a quarter Scottish… We don’t all lose who we are the moment we stop being somebody’s stereotype.

So um… sidetrack aside (this whole article is a sidetrack of itself)… those Amazonians I do know of that live in the nude – have some major taboos. Often a village might be split into a male and female side, and you just don’t cross the line except with your own family. Clothing might very well be the first line in letting men and women socialize without resorting to an orgy.

Whether or not nudity and even social nudity is erotic in an of itself… it is for me.

I believes that puts me in the camp of not a ‘nudist’ but more like an ‘exhibitionist’. Another terms I’ve been tossing around in my head for this is ‘transgressive nudity‘. Something you will see in erotic fiction a lot: a character is nude in a setting they should not be, and this becomes the ‘focus’ of the eroticism for that work of fiction. The ‘transgression’, violating the social taboo.

Nudist say be yourself, be accepting. So I state myself, and they get mad as all heck. Because they’re whole thing is about denying the very thing I find self-evident. When I was younger this is a little like why I decided against Buddhism. I was fine with all the mindfulness and meditation, but I don’t think existence is suffering. The divine put us here to learn and enjoy and each other; to live in love.

I’m finding in SL that I like being ‘THE’ nude person in a crowd, and then imagining people are perving on my avatar. On the other hand if some bloke starts IMing me and making me aware that he actually is doing that, I get annoyed and even often block such folks… I could never do this in real life for an assortment of reasons, but in SL, it’s a bit of the ‘attraction’ for me now… to be in that situation.

You know what… just because I’m not white, just because I’m brainy, just because I’m intellectual and hyper political, just because I’m a person of faith… Just because all of that, doesn’t mean I can’t also have some weird kinks in my personality… and one of them is that I get turned on by watching my little cartoon avatar run around naked where she’s not exactly supposed to be naked, but can still manage to get away with it.

I get to be an individual too, not a label, and this is my individuality.

This is all kind of funny given how I spent just over half of my years in SL living a nearly completely ‘G rated’ existence, and seeming to be perfectly comfortable doing that. I’ve yet to figure out why this split is going on for me – how I’ve flipped sides of a coin.

But I’ve gone a step further than that of late.

 

Recently I began putting up explicit art of my avatar. And that was a very scary move, but also a very thrilling one. I sat on those works for months daring myself to post them and not doing it… telling myself to forget it and then constantly going back to ‘hovering over the submit button’. During this I even categorized all my art on flickr in my head, and started up a plan to delete ALL of the nude work. To basically tell myself: you go forward, or you go backward, but you don’t sit on this line where it’s driving you up the wall. I actually started putting this art into SL months back… if you’d been around my land you would have had a good chance of running into it. But putting onto flickr or here or somewhere felt like a ‘bigger action’.

 

Back when I first went ‘G rated’ I had a similar moment. I deleted a huge amount of ‘sensual and erotic’ outfits and furniture. Straight out tossed them into the trash. Can’t really sit on the middle of the fence…

When I went to being nude in SL, I started with just a ‘here or there’ and kept up with a lot of clothed outfits. But over time I’ve ended up getting rid of almost all of my clothed outfits (everything that was transfer went to an unused alt, the rest I just moved to an ‘OLD’ folder and deleted all the outfit configurations I had… with plans to rebox it but it’s a LOT of stuff…).

I do keep a small selection of clothed configurations: string mini-bikinis for G-rated land and then a very covered up full outfit for when I feel I need to be respectful of something that has blended in from RL (like if somebody starts talking about a RL personal tragedy, my desire to engage in my ‘sensual kink’ vanishes and I put on that outfit)… or if somebody on my block list is around and I feel ‘on the defensive’ and ‘foul of mood’ (one person on my block list has recently started going to one of my regular hangouts – otherwise most of the people on there are folks long ago banned from SL, or in circles I have moved so far apart from now I never encounter them).

So… rambling here… But other than that small selection I’m basically always nude in SL now. And I find it most exciting when I’m somewhere where the rules don’t ban it, but it is just a little to this side of ‘improper’. Or if everyone else is clothed, I’m nude – and somehow this is normal.

When I’ve gone to places like the ‘Naked’ sims… I feel kind of ‘dull’… in part I very much feel I do NOT fit in with the people I meet there (in most nudist hangouts, the people are not at all friendly – and this seems to happen to me regardless of my avatar choice. I’ve done my old ‘bring the white girl alt’ test to see if it is racism… and that avatar also gets a cold shoulder). I see them be friendly to other people, but not me. Somehow the fact that my “thing” and their “thing” are oil and water is apparent. We might both be liquid… we’re both nude. But it’s different.

I do notice how there is a sizeable segment in those places that seems to intentionally use ugly avatars… pre-mesh, hairy, out of shape, or whatever. So I kinda have to believe that for them the nudity might not be sensual. But that just makes them all the more confusing to me. I’ve even had this as a similar argument with RL nudists. Got into it some years back with one when I simply noted that the vast majority of people in RL are sexually attractive. Something I find true. That set them off like I’d come to a police squadron in a BLM t-shirt; I think I’m being completely rational and good intentioned, and the other party has a freak out on terms that baffle me.

On the other hand, oddly enough a LOT of these people on the nudist sims that tell me nudity is not about sexuality spend their time in ‘adult’ hottubs using the sex poseballs… So um… OK.
(Specific people who have ranted at me over this issue, have also sent me sex-furniture in SL…)

– And while I like the sensual and the erotic, that kind of scene also ‘rubs me wrong’. I seek the thrill of something, but the idea of making it a group communal thing just causes it to be a turnoff to me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/40847626@N06/33086212734/
(Animation of me dancing)

If I wanted to engage in a whole lot of ‘free sexxors in SL’… I’d put on a slightly ugly avatar, go to a nudist sim, and rant about how sex is evil and the body is not sexual and then everyone would invite me to the orgy… Or so it seems when I go to these places… that is what they do. But the whole experience would be a turn off to me.

SL Orgies just ‘rub me the wrong way’. Can’t say why, just not my thing.

But as I noted, I’ve been putting up explicit art from SL lately. And well, to get that art, you gotta make that art, and to make that art, you gotta do things.

So I’ve been doing things. In SL. That I’d stopped doing around 2010 or 2011 somewhere (bit shaky on when that was).

I’m finding it kind of fun. It’s not the wild crazy conduct of my early SL days, but it looks a lot more wild because I know how to make it look that way now, more so than I used to. And well, these mesh avatars have a lot better details to them than the old ‘SL mesh’ does:

A rare 2009 moment. I had clothes on.

 

I’m still feeling a little selective and particular in all of this. I’ve yet to do what I used to: hit some random adult place and jump on a random poseball. Not sure if I will return to that kind of wild or not. It has a certain thrill to it, but it’s also a purely visual entertainment. The problem is most of the guys in places like that don’t have a look I find appealing. My newest explanatory ‘profile pick’:

SL Sex – let’s play if we play right together
Back into SL-Sex now, but still find it silly. Yet I am super-shy about starting things & I have my limits

I love watching SL avatars have sex, it’s a big turn on. I love public sex & crave to find an audience. I want to be watched

You’ve gotta look appealing to me. I like a pretty-boy or toned build, No super-muscle types. Gotta have good proportions. No tiny hands/arms or heads. I like Black or Asian looks or fantasy/alien tones. Your cock needs to be normal – not tiny or super sized

But this stuff is also mental, erotica & not just porn. I’m not yet ‘fluent’ in SL-roleplay, so help me out. πŸ™‚

You’re going to have to be engaging, with intelligent dialog outside of sex. You’re going to have to talk about something other than what you think of me & my avatar

I will not do anything related to D/s, Gor, BDSM, RLV, sexual violence, or disempowerment

While I prefer F/F, it always seems to have ‘hangups / strings’ in SL, so M/F but no Herm / mixed-sex AVs & no blondes

Sorry blondes, that stuff just squicks me. πŸ™‚

That’s a work in progress. I tend to write it in moments of being ‘on’ and then read it in moments of being ‘off’ and think to myself… ‘what the heck are you doing writing that?’

And there some moments of pause in all of this. I’ve already had someone I had to rebuff a half dozen times last year when I was just nude but still not into a ‘scene’, approach me again. With my art ‘out there’ it’s only a matter of time till people start making new judgements about me, for good or bad.

But… I’m on my path.

I’m not really sure who or what I’m seeking in this. I suppose I will either take a bolder step into some venue soon, or back away. The art’s out there now though – so I guess I can’t back all the way away without abandoning the avatar.

And that’s a big part of why it took me so long to come back to this cycle of things, and then to ‘out myself’ about it. This isn’t really always Halloween. There is slut-shaming in SL. And I do wonder if a few people I’ve known over the years in SL are rethinking knowing me as a result of ‘recent dramatic changes’ as well as some who are now focusing on me in ways I might not exactly like.

As I noted, I am still a deeply spiritual person. Let me just share my other new ‘Profile Pick’ with you:

Politricks and Faith
Despite my nudity and graphic content, I am still a person of faith, and still a leftist.

I am generally aligned with Rasta, though I explore sensuality in ways contrary to Rasta. As a rasta, I know the purpose of a pastor or priest is to lie to people and steal their spirituality for his own ends. I know that we must each come to faith on our own, with the help of peers, but without false leadership. Religion may be the opiate of the masses, but faith sets you free.

As a leftist I know equal rights and justice must be struggled for, and achieved, by any means necessary. Downpression is wrong, and I must chant down those who try to Put I down. I know that denial of Identity-politics is just code for forcing majority-identity and excluding others. And as a leftist, I exist for the struggle. Justice before Peace.

Religious people can be judgemental. And that includes ‘devout Atheists’ – which I find to be a rather extremist religion of it’s bent, bent on acquiring converts and centered on a ‘faith’ that there is no ‘faith.

But most religions are anti-sensual, and here I am blending the two – while coming from a faith, Rasta, known for being non-sensual. I see this as right for me, but I am sure others will not.

I think it’s just my nature to be transgressive, and to fight. I land in that space no matter what I do.

New Nudist / Naturist estate in Second Life

BLNE

Outside the main office. I’m actually behind it. Front door’s on the other side.

Some of you may know of my experience with the Eden Naturist estate being less than pleasant. Not on a personal level, but in that they do not allow any non-human avatar elements other than mermaid tails… for “realism” sake they allow mermaids. Yeah… so their policy still grates me…

I’ve been looking for ‘nudist / naturist’ places I could go to and actually live the naturist motto of “be yourself” in SL since 2009… Even during my ‘PG only” phase I was looking for the purpose of finding such a place for everyone else.

It always baffled me that the community that said it was all about “being your natural self” had such up-tight rules about who you were allowed to be…

It wasn’t just Eden… It is frankly a whole LOT of these naturist places in SL, that seem to be a space for only “their kind of people”… One set of odd-rules leads me to thinking about ‘everything else’ and then generally starting to feel uneasy even when I popped in with a ‘rule fitting alt’.

So that negativity aside… On to the positive.

I found it. I found the place I’ve been looking for.

BLNE_Home

My SL Home on the estate.

And it’s been waiting for me since January, but I somehow didn’t notice it.

Blue Lagoon Naturist Estate is an estate of 24 sims subleased out from the Anshe Chung system of estates. There are a whole lot of spots of different kinds left for the taking too.

BLNE_Map

A lot of availability – in part because they keep adding sims. They let you move a few times a month, more if you pay a service fee. So I’m guessing as they expand people spread out.

Split between two basic themes by a hole in the middle. The southern half of the estate seems to have ‘coastal beach’ as it’s theme and the northern half of the estate is ‘temperate evergreen coastline / lake’ in theme. Baja California or Seattle coastline for a west coaster like me. Am told the northern sims take some of their intention from the Nordic countries. If that’s true it just puts more points into the basket of reasons to visit that part of Europe someday…

BlueLagoonSailing_009

The bridge transitions us between ‘beachy’ and ‘temperate’.

The things in geography and greenery that make me feel ‘at home’ are simple: water, hills / mountains, evergreen trees, and the smell of eucalyptus. Eucalyptus has no natural relationship to this, being an Australian tree. However the San Francisco Bay Area was taken over by Eucalyptus trees in the late 1800s or early 1900s as a greenery plan; so I grew up with that smell as a way to know I was “home” when coming over the hills that separate us from the San Joaquin valley. Efforts to return native wildlife and plantlife have since removed a lot of that smell, but I still feel “grounded” anytime I smell that tree.

BlueLagoonSailing_011

These mountain-top bridges often mark transitions in climate zones.

Er… eucalyptus tangents aside… can’t smell through SL… the northern half of this estate otherwise really hits my “this is perfect” button just right.

The layout of the place is friendly to exploring, driving, and sailing; as well as to having a nice ground level home (skyboxes are allowed above 3000m and even some already set up for rent).

The rough center of the estate is a hole with no sims in it. This does mean that along the edge of that there are a few odd looking spots with edges, but they have mostly smoothed things over to look natural. I have yet to ask if the plan is to fill this in over time. In January, my snooping through old notecards tells me, this was 9 sims. Now it is 24. So the place is growing and might not be done growing (hopefully).

As seen in the images, I had a lot of fun sailing the circuit of the estate, and I highly recommend it. In my time here I’ve also seen a number of other people sailing by me.

This estate is not a ‘social dead zone’ even if the sims are mostly residential and only about half filled. There is an active club at the center of the estate, on Rising Sun Isle.

BlueLagoonSailing_021

One of the 3 times I’ve been to the ‘club’ – the other two times had about twice this crowd. Not too small or too busy. Enough to be social and not laggy.

– where they do multiple events throughout the week. If you are unsure – go to some events. From this same spot you can get all the info you will need on sim rules, contacts, open rentals, and even catch an automated bus tour around the estate. I was encouraged to take the bus several times by enthusiastic estate managers.

The estate group also has some friendly chatter in it. Join the group, get a spot, and even before you say anything to anybody you’ll start to feel the community around you. That leaves me with a very good impression.

BlueLagoonSailing_017.png

A spot for rent in the ‘temperate climate’ north half of the estate. Keep or replace the house.

Parcel cost seems to be just under $2L / prim per week. I am paying about $844L for 469 prims. This varies by parcel kind. Boat slips are very cheap, boat houses are cheaper than parcels, islands and parcels are similar to the rate I’m paying. If you rent a boat house, you can remove it and put in your own boat house – but you have to stick to theme. Likewise on parcels, you need to fit a general zone theme. No rezzing an urban skyscraper and beach trees on a northern temperate estate, and no parking your spaceship on the beach of a beach-plot. But the themes are pretty easy to fit with.

BlueLagoonSailing_014

This area reminds me of a swamp. Boathouses with a road one one side and river on the other.

I will leave you with a series of visuals below, and a little note for many of them. Come on by, explore, and rent a parcel. Especially if you are an SL Nudist. And feel free to come visit me if you see me on the estate.

BLNE_Home_Chair

Sitting on the deck of my new SL Home.

Now that I’ve kind of moved here, I have a good amount of mainland land I’m looking to sell off. Starting with my plots on Blake Sea and Roadside Zindra. I looked at the financials on this. I am paying $844L/week. As I type this that is US $3.35/week. In my area, that is called “1 double latte” at a local coffee shop. Easily affordable.

But I could use with trimming my mainland tier a bit, and I will use this as an excuse. More actually about time commitments – I want to be in this community, and I have mainland parcels I haven’t been to in months… so… trim the land I don’t use. Use the land I have.

BlueLagoonSailing_007.png

Boat Houses in the background.

BlueLagoonSailing_015

Some of these small islands can be fully sunk for a water-only parcel. Some have part of the estate on them. Several available in both climates.

BlueLagoonSailing_022

Skydome rentals in the main office. LOTs of availability here. These are un-built 60m diameter domes to put anything you want into. And they give 300 prims / 450L per week.

Skysphere_001

What a skysphere gives.

By contrast the two skybox styles give Stockholm: 100 prims for $150L week, or Uptown: 150 prim for $225L week. These come slightly pre-furnished.

The domes and skyboxes are all on the same sim. My suggestion would be to disperse them throughout the estate for better load balancing.

BlueLagoonSailing_012

The roads and waterways will give you quite an enjoyable tour.

BlueLagoonDriving_001

Roadways connect across the whole estate by going underwater in the southern sims.

BlueLagoonDriving_004.png

And in the northern sims, two functional ferries cross the river.

BlueLagoonDriving_002

A small airport exists in mid-estate, on the sim north of the main office.

BlueLagoonDriving_003

Apartments in the background there are for rent.

BlueLagoonSailing_019

Bouthouses in the southern sim have a unified theme if you keep their design.

BlueLagoonSailing_018

The apartments in the background, with a walkway down to the waterline / swimming area.

There is a whole sim sized racing track in the sky on the sim with the airport:

BlueLagoonRaceTrack_001

BlueLagoonRaceTrack_003

Play with a free racer here.

 

34672180072_fbffb33143_h

My Home on Blue Lagoon Naturist Estate before I furnished it. This building is by “Tobias Convair”.

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