SL Nudist, or not – “Transgressive Nudity” / Exhibitionism, and re-partaking in ‘Adult Content’ in SL

Been a while since I blogged. A LOT of things have happened for me in both RL and SL. Generally good stuff, but I’ve been busy.

This is going to be a bit ‘all over the place’…

I read an article recently about how Halloween is the one time of the year when we can escape ‘slut shaming’ and just have fun. When you can walk down the street in a sexy nurse getup, and then go back to normal in the morning. I think SL can also do that for some of us some of the time. You can express things here and it’s a ‘different space’ with different rules. Not always; I was recently admonished by a group and kicked out of another as a result of the changes in my SL nature I’m about to explore below. But much of what we do explore in SL is in that ‘different space’.

So this is kind of musing on that and SL and my recent changes in SL. All I will say about RL is that even more dramatic changes have occurred for me there. They were crazy, but resolved very well.

I find myself at odds with all of the ‘Naturist’ / ‘Nudist’ crowd both inside and outside of Second Life.

I am ‘not’ a ‘real life’ nudist. Never been to one of their events or places and everything I’ve read about them and discussed with them tells me I would not enjoy my experience there.

But why. When the idea of ‘running around without a stitch on’ fascinates?

For me the nudity is highly sensual. I find the human body erotic. I strongly believe this puts me on the ‘right side of biology’. ‘Naturists’ spend an amazing amount of time talking about how un-sexual the sex organs are to them… which just baffles me every time they go down that route. I suspect our ancient ancestors before humanity had clothing spent a lot of their days “bouncing on the pole”, closer to Bonobos in conduct than Chimpanzees.

Yes there are plenty of nude societies around that world that do NOT spend all their time stuck in an orgy. An assortment of rituals, taboos, and gender divides end up serving the purpose that clothing serves for the ‘modern world’. I could be right or wrong about this. It’s just how I feel about it…

And that could easily say more about me than anyone or anything else.

Some of my own Amazonian ‘kin’ from lower down the mountain than my own people, live their whole lives in the nude down there by the river. And some of their societies have extreme taboos about going anywhere near a person of the opposite sex. Yes you can google, even google the exact name of my ethnic group, and find ‘online porn’ with ‘Indian Looking people’ playing or touching each other intimately. Maybe real, maybe not. I’ve certainly been trolled before by a racist posting a picture of someone who looked a lot like a cousin of mine, brutally murdered in the Amazon… As an excuse, the person stated it was an image from a movie… But the message was still there. Kind of like putting a noose on a black man’s mailbox and then saying “but it’s just a Halloween prop” – your message is still pretty starkly there. But the point is… there’s a LOT of stuff out there that is ‘fake Indian culture’ made as entertainment for whites. Hollywood had a whole genre of movies for this in the 1950s…

But I’m related to those folks in the Amazon by blood but not by culture. I’m an “Amazon Indian” born in a city of 9 million, who’s Amazon relatives live in a city that was put under Spanish rule almost a 100 years before the first ‘white man’ ever stepped foot in New England (it fascinates me how US-Americans talks about landing at Plymouth Rock into an untouched wilderness, and getting served corn – which was a trade good those ‘Injuns’ got from the Spanish that had been sitting in Mexico City for 100 years already).

But I am no less Amazonian than a Scottsman who isn’t running around in a kilt with William Wallace fighting the English with a sword and funky pipe music is no less Scottish. Well, maybe a person who is a quarter Scottish… We don’t all lose who we are the moment we stop being somebody’s stereotype.

So um… sidetrack aside (this whole article is a sidetrack of itself)… those Amazonians I do know of that live in the nude – have some major taboos. Often a village might be split into a male and female side, and you just don’t cross the line except with your own family. Clothing might very well be the first line in letting men and women socialize without resorting to an orgy.

Whether or not nudity and even social nudity is erotic in an of itself… it is for me.

I believes that puts me in the camp of not a ‘nudist’ but more like an ‘exhibitionist’. Another terms I’ve been tossing around in my head for this is ‘transgressive nudity‘. Something you will see in erotic fiction a lot: a character is nude in a setting they should not be, and this becomes the ‘focus’ of the eroticism for that work of fiction. The ‘transgression’, violating the social taboo.

Nudist say be yourself, be accepting. So I state myself, and they get mad as all heck. Because they’re whole thing is about denying the very thing I find self-evident. When I was younger this is a little like why I decided against Buddhism. I was fine with all the mindfulness and meditation, but I don’t think existence is suffering. The divine put us here to learn and enjoy and each other; to live in love.

I’m finding in SL that I like being ‘THE’ nude person in a crowd, and then imagining people are perving on my avatar. On the other hand if some bloke starts IMing me and making me aware that he actually is doing that, I get annoyed and even often block such folks… I could never do this in real life for an assortment of reasons, but in SL, it’s a bit of the ‘attraction’ for me now… to be in that situation.

You know what… just because I’m not white, just because I’m brainy, just because I’m intellectual and hyper political, just because I’m a person of faith… Just because all of that, doesn’t mean I can’t also have some weird kinks in my personality… and one of them is that I get turned on by watching my little cartoon avatar run around naked where she’s not exactly supposed to be naked, but can still manage to get away with it.

I get to be an individual too, not a label, and this is my individuality.

This is all kind of funny given how I spent just over half of my years in SL living a nearly completely ‘G rated’ existence, and seeming to be perfectly comfortable doing that. I’ve yet to figure out why this split is going on for me – how I’ve flipped sides of a coin.

But I’ve gone a step further than that of late.

 

Recently I began putting up explicit art of my avatar. And that was a very scary move, but also a very thrilling one. I sat on those works for months daring myself to post them and not doing it… telling myself to forget it and then constantly going back to ‘hovering over the submit button’. During this I even categorized all my art on flickr in my head, and started up a plan to delete ALL of the nude work. To basically tell myself: you go forward, or you go backward, but you don’t sit on this line where it’s driving you up the wall. I actually started putting this art into SL months back… if you’d been around my land you would have had a good chance of running into it. But putting onto flickr or here or somewhere felt like a ‘bigger action’.

 

Back when I first went ‘G rated’ I had a similar moment. I deleted a huge amount of ‘sensual and erotic’ outfits and furniture. Straight out tossed them into the trash. Can’t really sit on the middle of the fence…

When I went to being nude in SL, I started with just a ‘here or there’ and kept up with a lot of clothed outfits. But over time I’ve ended up getting rid of almost all of my clothed outfits (everything that was transfer went to an unused alt, the rest I just moved to an ‘OLD’ folder and deleted all the outfit configurations I had… with plans to rebox it but it’s a LOT of stuff…).

I do keep a small selection of clothed configurations: string mini-bikinis for G-rated land and then a very covered up full outfit for when I feel I need to be respectful of something that has blended in from RL (like if somebody starts talking about a RL personal tragedy, my desire to engage in my ‘sensual kink’ vanishes and I put on that outfit)… or if somebody on my block list is around and I feel ‘on the defensive’ and ‘foul of mood’ (one person on my block list has recently started going to one of my regular hangouts – otherwise most of the people on there are folks long ago banned from SL, or in circles I have moved so far apart from now I never encounter them).

So… rambling here… But other than that small selection I’m basically always nude in SL now. And I find it most exciting when I’m somewhere where the rules don’t ban it, but it is just a little to this side of ‘improper’. Or if everyone else is clothed, I’m nude – and somehow this is normal.

When I’ve gone to places like the ‘Naked’ sims… I feel kind of ‘dull’… in part I very much feel I do NOT fit in with the people I meet there (in most nudist hangouts, the people are not at all friendly – and this seems to happen to me regardless of my avatar choice. I’ve done my old ‘bring the white girl alt’ test to see if it is racism… and that avatar also gets a cold shoulder). I see them be friendly to other people, but not me. Somehow the fact that my “thing” and their “thing” are oil and water is apparent. We might both be liquid… we’re both nude. But it’s different.

I do notice how there is a sizeable segment in those places that seems to intentionally use ugly avatars… pre-mesh, hairy, out of shape, or whatever. So I kinda have to believe that for them the nudity might not be sensual. But that just makes them all the more confusing to me. I’ve even had this as a similar argument with RL nudists. Got into it some years back with one when I simply noted that the vast majority of people in RL are sexually attractive. Something I find true. That set them off like I’d come to a police squadron in a BLM t-shirt; I think I’m being completely rational and good intentioned, and the other party has a freak out on terms that baffle me.

On the other hand, oddly enough a LOT of these people on the nudist sims that tell me nudity is not about sexuality spend their time in ‘adult’ hottubs using the sex poseballs… So um… OK.
(Specific people who have ranted at me over this issue, have also sent me sex-furniture in SL…)

– And while I like the sensual and the erotic, that kind of scene also ‘rubs me wrong’. I seek the thrill of something, but the idea of making it a group communal thing just causes it to be a turnoff to me.

PussycatDancing - 720p and wide

(Animation of me dancing)

If I wanted to engage in a whole lot of ‘free sexxors in SL’… I’d put on a slightly ugly avatar, go to a nudist sim, and rant about how sex is evil and the body is not sexual and then everyone would invite me to the orgy… Or so it seems when I go to these places… that is what they do. But the whole experience would be a turn off to me.

SL Orgies just ‘rub me the wrong way’. Can’t say why, just not my thing.

But as I noted, I’ve been putting up explicit art from SL lately. And well, to get that art, you gotta make that art, and to make that art, you gotta do things.

So I’ve been doing things. In SL. That I’d stopped doing around 2010 or 2011 somewhere (bit shaky on when that was).

I’m finding it kind of fun. It’s not the wild crazy conduct of my early SL days, but it looks a lot more wild because I know how to make it look that way now, more so than I used to. And well, these mesh avatars have a lot better details to them than the old ‘SL mesh’ does:

A rare 2009 moment. I had clothes on.

 

I’m still feeling a little selective and particular in all of this. I’ve yet to do what I used to: hit some random adult place and jump on a random poseball. Not sure if I will return to that kind of wild or not. It has a certain thrill to it, but it’s also a purely visual entertainment. The problem is most of the guys in places like that don’t have a look I find appealing. My newest explanatory ‘profile pick’:

SL Sex – let’s play if we play right together
Back into SL-Sex now, but still find it silly. Yet I am super-shy about starting things & I have my limits

I love watching SL avatars have sex, it’s a big turn on. I love public sex & crave to find an audience. I want to be watched

You’ve gotta look appealing to me. I like a pretty-boy or toned build, No super-muscle types. Gotta have good proportions. No tiny hands/arms or heads. I like Black or Asian looks or fantasy/alien tones. Your cock needs to be normal – not tiny or super sized

But this stuff is also mental, erotica & not just porn. I’m not yet ‘fluent’ in SL-roleplay, so help me out. 🙂

You’re going to have to be engaging, with intelligent dialog outside of sex. You’re going to have to talk about something other than what you think of me & my avatar

I will not do anything related to D/s, Gor, BDSM, RLV, sexual violence, or disempowerment

While I prefer F/F, it always seems to have ‘hangups / strings’ in SL, so M/F but no Herm / mixed-sex AVs & no blondes

Sorry blondes, that stuff just squicks me. 🙂

That’s a work in progress. I tend to write it in moments of being ‘on’ and then read it in moments of being ‘off’ and think to myself… ‘what the heck are you doing writing that?’

And there some moments of pause in all of this. I’ve already had someone I had to rebuff a half dozen times last year when I was just nude but still not into a ‘scene’, approach me again. With my art ‘out there’ it’s only a matter of time till people start making new judgements about me, for good or bad.

But… I’m on my path.

I’m not really sure who or what I’m seeking in this. I suppose I will either take a bolder step into some venue soon, or back away. The art’s out there now though – so I guess I can’t back all the way away without abandoning the avatar.

And that’s a big part of why it took me so long to come back to this cycle of things, and then to ‘out myself’ about it. This isn’t really always Halloween. There is slut-shaming in SL. And I do wonder if a few people I’ve known over the years in SL are rethinking knowing me as a result of ‘recent dramatic changes’ as well as some who are now focusing on me in ways I might not exactly like.

As I noted, I am still a deeply spiritual person. Let me just share my other new ‘Profile Pick’ with you:

Politricks and Faith
Despite my nudity and graphic content, I am still a person of faith, and still a leftist.

I am generally aligned with Rasta, though I explore sensuality in ways contrary to Rasta. As a rasta, I know the purpose of a pastor or priest is to lie to people and steal their spirituality for his own ends. I know that we must each come to faith on our own, with the help of peers, but without false leadership. Religion may be the opiate of the masses, but faith sets you free.

As a leftist I know equal rights and justice must be struggled for, and achieved, by any means necessary. Downpression is wrong, and I must chant down those who try to Put I down. I know that denial of Identity-politics is just code for forcing majority-identity and excluding others. And as a leftist, I exist for the struggle. Justice before Peace.

Religious people can be judgemental. And that includes ‘devout Atheists’ – which I find to be a rather extremist religion of it’s bent, bent on acquiring converts and centered on a ‘faith’ that there is no ‘faith.

But most religions are anti-sensual, and here I am blending the two – while coming from a faith, Rasta, known for being non-sensual. I see this as right for me, but I am sure others will not.

I think it’s just my nature to be transgressive, and to fight. I land in that space no matter what I do.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jonesy Bewohner
    Nov 13, 2017 @ 20:16:18

    I don’t know if you will post this message in your blog posting, but real life nudity is *not* about sexuality. With that said, there are generally two different kinds of places you will find in a social atmosphere. Swingers (sex) and “family oriented” places that aren’t focused on that. In short, social nudity does exist where sex is not the primary focus.

    You state clearly that nudity for you is highly sensual, and that is how it is for the vast majority of people who don’t socialze nude in reality, or have never tried it, or have never found the right crowd or place to go.

    Reply

    • Pussycat Catnap
      Nov 14, 2017 @ 00:51:09

      I’ve had this argument with “nudists” so many times it’s getting silly. I disagree with you, I disagree with them. I’ve said why many times – you can find it in many of my past blog comments on this subject. I think nudists are intentionally deluding themselves over this point out of fear of public scorn. My experience with them is that as soon as they think no one is ‘watching’ they all become “swingers”.

      The repeated attempts to “correct” me are falling on deaf ears – particularly as it has often come from people who have turned around at another point in time and sexually propositioned me, an alt, or whom I have caught doing so or trading in explicit goods in SL.

      So the more they come after me on that, the more I will call out the hypocrisy.

      Reply

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